What Should You Include in a Letter of Wishes?

If you've ever sat across from a solicitor making a will, you might have heard the phrase "letter of wishes" dropped into the conversation almost as an afterthought. "You might want to write one of those too." Then on to the next clause.

It deserves more time than that. A letter of wishes is, for many families, the more useful of the two documents.

What it actually is

A letter of wishes is a personal, non-legal document that sits alongside your will. It's written by you, kept with your will, and read after your death by your executors, trustees and family.

It is not legally binding. Your executors don't have to follow it. But in practice, almost everyone does — because it's the closest thing to you being in the room.

How it's different from a will

A will is a legal instrument. It allocates assets, names executors, appoints guardians for children, and follows strict formal rules. Anything emotional, contextual or personal gets stripped out, because the courts don't care for it.

A letter of wishes is where everything that doesn't belong in a will goes. The reasoning behind your decisions. The funeral you actually want. The things you'd like the children to know. The reason Aunt June got the pearls.

Why solicitors recommend them

Three reasons come up again and again:

1. They reduce family disputes. Most inheritance arguments aren't really about money — they're about meaning. A letter that explains your thinking ("I left the cottage to your brother because he has the children, and the bonds to you so you have the freedom you've always wanted") takes the sting out.
2. They're flexible. A will is hard to update. A letter of wishes can be rewritten in an afternoon, as often as life changes.
3. They cover everything a will can't. Funerals. Pets. Digital accounts. Personal messages. Memories. None of that belongs in a legal document — but all of it matters.

What to include

There's no fixed format. A letter of wishes can be one page or thirty. Most people find these headings a good starting point:

1. The reasoning behind your will

If you've made any decisions that might surprise people — leaving more to one child than another, including someone outside the immediate family, excluding someone you ordinarily would — explain why, plainly and kindly. This is the single most useful section, and the one most often skipped.

2. Funeral and memorial wishes

Burial or cremation. The kind of service (or no service). A song you'd like played. Flowers or donations. Where you'd like to be scattered. Anything you would not want.

3. Care of pets

The named guardian. The vet. The routines. (See our pet guide for the full list.)

4. Personal possessions

The small things that don't appear in a will but mean something. Who gets the watch, the recipe box, the painting in the hall.

5. Digital life

Which accounts to memorialise. Which to delete. Where the password manager lives.

6. Letters to specific people

A few paragraphs to a partner, a child, a parent, a closest friend. This is the part that most people put off and most families treasure. It does not need to be long. It needs to be honest.

7. Anything else you'd want said

Apologies. Thanks. Stories. The advice you'd offer if you could be in the room. Nothing here is required, and everything here is welcome.

Where to keep it

With your will. Tell your executors it exists. If you store your will with a solicitor, ask them to keep the letter alongside it. If you keep your will at home, the same drawer or fireproof box is fine.

If anything changes — a new grandchild, a fall-out, a fresh thought — pick up the letter again. It's meant to be a living document.

The shape of it

A letter of wishes doesn't have to be beautifully written. It doesn't need formal language. It just needs to sound like you. The people reading it will hear your voice in every line — which is the whole point.

Left For You is a structured way to write your letter of wishes, section by section, in about twenty minutes. Start your guide →